Realizations

Hey it’s June!

Half of the year pass, 151 days are gone, you have used your 3,624 hours. We just welcomed 2017 and now we are down to the month of JUNE.

How was your year so far? Were you able to cross out at least one from your bucket list for this year? How about that new year resolution you promised yourself to never do ever again?

June is a the month to look back from the last five months and reflect on what and where we spent our time in to.

Is it worthwhile? did you spent your time in doing good or complaining? Do you worry a lot last month?

These are some of the questions I asked myself as I welcome June 2017. It makes me smile. because I saw progress.

Well yes, the changes I want in my life for this year will not happen drastically but slowly and surely.

I am happy for what is happening in my life this year. 2017 is the year of making firm decisions for me. I have been saying NO to most of the things that I know will bring future problems and I have become careful in saying YES.

I choose to open up my world. From the girl who’s always in her room, to that girl who would love to listen to your stories while drinking coffee in a coffee shop. I now reply to text messages that I seldom do last year. I still get named as “seener” but now I try to reply to everyone. Sorry people I still fail on this part.

This year I was able to publish this blog, it is the most exciting part of my 2017. Thanks to a friend who encouraged me to share this to everyone. I always tell myself na “saka ko na to ipapublish, nahihiya ako eh baka kase ijudge lang”. I remember how he pushed me to let other people know this site. His words opened my mind to do it now.

I have hesitations in my head. But I praise the Lord for his life who happens to message his friends and some youths to recommend my blog and read it (wow grabe effort 🙂 thanks to you!). This blog is the only thing that makes me KILIG this year. Hearing and reading some of your messages about how God spoke to you through this, makes my heart jump for joy.

I cried as well. I feel fulfilled and that finally my heart’s desire is now on work. Your messages inspires me to continue this even I have setbacks before.

There was this one time I am sitting at the back of the church with some KKBs. A guy kkb asked me:

ate ano nga ung blog mo?

I was about to answer it and the other kkb who was sitting with us answered the question for me.

theestherinsideofus.wordpress.com

I looked at her and laugh because she perfectly knows the domain. She knows the domain better than I am for sometimes I’m confused if its theestherinsideus or theestherinsideofus.

I am so blessed that there are young ladies who visits this site. You have a choice to go somewhere else on the web but you took time to be here and read my heart out! Thank you Queens!  My prayer is still the same. I pray that it will speak to you. that it will penetrate your heart and you will find your convictions clear as you read here.

let me give God what belongs to Him.

ALL GLORY AND PRAISES AND HONOR AND ADORATION BE UNTO GOD!

This year many opportunities are knocking at my door. My heart is overwhelmed with joy. It is indeed true that when you let go the thing you keep holding in your hands, that’s the time God will take control in your life. I remember last year how I struggle to let go,

Everything is in the mind. we think its hard to give it up but we are wrong. We wrestle but to be honest it’s really easy. Masasabi natin sa sarili natin “dapat matagal ko na pala tong binitawan”

I got opportunity to write. I am excited for this specific project. I got a message that asked me if I want to write. I said yes right away. Why not? I’m gonna share my thoughts and convictions to a wider audience, plus I will learn new things. But also I have second thoughts. I doubt again.

But my desire to glorify God through blogging is far greater than the fears and doubts in me.

I told myself last year that my goal for this year is simple. To live peacefully and be faithful.

I can say now that I am living peaceful. Yes sometimes I still struggle to maintain that peacefulness because I have battles in my head. I over think things. and I don’t think I become faithful last five months. With my tithes, with my ministry, with my studies. I don’t feel I have become consistent on this area.

 And that it’s definitely okay. We do not wake up the next day perfect.

I am working on it. God is working on it. The year is not yet over.

So to you, Queens in the making.

How are you today?

How was your year so far? Are you struggling?

A painful even happened this 2017? 

How is your heart?

This is the perfect time for you to think, to pray and be thankful. You can even ask for forgiveness if you feel your failing.

But please do not be hard on yourself, Please be gentle and know that life always have its ups and downs. That pain is part of growing. And that its okay if you feel like your goals are far from reach. Remember it will never happen overnight.

Be thankful for your life. That you are still alive and still have 6 more months to make this year extra ordinary for the Lord.

If there are things you know you have to let go. Let it go! Sing that song from frozen. Do not let it hold you and stops you from becoming the Lady God has pictured you to be. Don’t delay it anymore. Don’t cause too much pain in your self.

I hope you find yourself in a place where God wants you to walk. I am praying for you always!

Let us be positive for this month of JUNE and to the months to come!

CHEERS TO EVERY ESTHER INSIDE US!

The BIG ONE. I AM READY!! JOKE!

I woke up from a dream, a very bad dream. It is about the BIG ONE. I don’t know but I never woke up before my alarm clock and today my eyes automatically opens and I believe I was woken up by the Lord to pray.

There are rumours in news, on social media, it is the number one topic nowadays. But let me ask you something.

ARE YOU READY? 

When I first heard about this BIG ONE was way back 2013 after the Typhoon Yolanda killed many people. It is the number one topic in the church for it  can be one of the signs that the end is near. Prophet Saduh is also trending that time because He gave prophecy about this particular typhoon and the BIG ONE.

The BIG ONE will be more disastrous than Yolanda. He said that it will strike the Philippines the upcoming year (2014) but it never came.

Now that this BIG ONE is viral again. Because of undetected fear in my heart, I started doubting.

“Naku di yan totoo, sinabi na yan dati di naman nangyare”

“Paubaya na yan sa WIN Ministry, nonestop naman sila magpray eh”

At the back of my mind this is what I am thinking UNCONSCIOUSLY.

But God has been on a work in my life since the start of the year and then the Dream happened. I would not fully detail the dream but are you ready? If I ask you questions like if you die, will you go to heaven? Will you meet God or you’ll go to the other way?

Pause for a while and do some life check

How is your heart? Who or what is inside it? Is God still the center of it? How about your mind? Is it lustful? Are you thinking about money more than the Lord? Are you prideful? Do you envy someone? do you hold grudges to your parents? Did you steal? maybe not gold or what, but did you get a bunch of bond papers at the office? I think it can be considered stealing. DO YOU STILL LOVE GOD ABOVE ALL?

There maybe few of us that will say “YES, I am ready.” with conviction and wholeheartedly believe that they will go to heaven. And there will be most of us say YES! Just kidding! (which means no)

God reminded me on the time Abraham bargained with God for Sodom and Gomorrah. A sinful city. A city God can no longer tolerate it sinfulness so He visit it to see for himself the outcry against this city and knows He needs to destroy it. Abraham asked the Lord, if there are fifty righteous people in the city will He still destroy it treating the righteous and the wicked alike. The Lord said that He will spare the city for the sake of the fifty righteous. And Abraham again asked the Lord this time forty-five, then forty, thirty, twenty and ten. and God said for the sake of the ten righteous He will not. But the Lord found no ten righteous people in the city and eventually destroyed it.What I wanted to tell you is that God is gracious, He is loving and always forgiving God.

Our country is a Christian country just because of our History. But what if with the millions of “Christians” in our land God can only found less than ten righteous people?

Why only ten? 

To be honest I do not know if how many Christians are true follower of God. Do not mind the number. But what I do know is that many are not. WHY? Because most of us are sleeping, or complacent and follower of Christ only by mouth and not by heart and mind and lives on sinning.

God can spare our country from the Big One. Like how He is willing to spare Sodom and Gomorrah for the sake of the Ten Righteous people. He found none in the city. Will God found more than ten righteous people in the Philippines to spare us to the BIG ONE?

I don’t know. Only God can answer it. What can we do then?

Be part of the righteous. Do not mind how many but please let us be part of the righteous people God can consider to not allow the Big One to happen. Let us live rightfully in the Lord so that instead of allowing it to happen He will think of you and me.

I pray that after you read this you may find conviction in your heart to have a life check. To prepare yourself not only to the Big One but also to the time of your death. Because we know that both is unpredictable.

*this is not only applicable for you but for me as well. having that dream makes me think about my life and how I live it.

The Song on Repeat.

Its 4:59 in the morning and the house is too quite. I got “forever” by Kari Jobe on the background music. The song is on its bridge now.

“WE SING HALLELUJAH, THE LAMB HAS OVERCOME”

My heart right now is jumping for praises. And I feel like I am about to cry. Yes I get emotional easily? Who’s not? When you know that the Lord has overcome? would you not be moved?

The song is now on its part where the pastor is reading a poem.

Let me just pause for a while.

“If there are words for Him then I don’t have them.

See my brain has not yet reached the point where it could form a thought that could adequately describe the greatness of my God.

And my lungs have not yet developed the ability to release a breath with enough agility to breathe out the greatness of His Love.

And my voice, see my voice is so inhibited , restrained by human limits that it’s hard to even sing the praise up, you see, if there are words for Him, then I don’t have them.

My God, His Grace is remarkable, mercies are innumerable, strength is impenetrable, He is honorable, accountable, favorable.

He’s unsearchable yet knowable, indefinable, yet approachable, indescribable, yet personal

He is beyond comprehension, further than imagination, constant through generations, King of every nation, but if there are words for Him, then I don’t have them

You see my words are few to try and capture the ONE TRUE GOD, using my vocabulary will never do, but I use words as an expression, an expression of worship to a Savior, a Savior who is both worthy and deserving of my praise, so I use words.

My heart extols the Lord, blesses His Name forever. He has won my heart, captured my mind, and has bound them both together. He has defeated me in my rebellion, conquered me in my sin, He has welcomed me into His presence, completely invited me in. He has made Himself the object of my sight, flooding me with mercies in the morning, drowning me with Grace in the night, but if there are words for Him, then I don’t have them.

But what I do have is GOOD NEWS, for my God knew that manmade words would never do, for words are just tools that we use to point to the truth.

So He sent His Son Jesus Christ as THE WORD, LIVING PROOF, He is THE IMAGE OF THE INVISIBLE GOD, THE FIRST BORN OF ALL CREATION, FOR BY HIM ALL THINGS WERE CREATED, GIVING NOTHINGNESS, FORMATION.

AND BY HIS WORD HE SUSTAINS IN THE POWER OF HIS NAME. FOR HE IS BEFORE ALL THINGS AND ABOVE ALL THINGS HE REIGNS. HOLY IS HIS NAME!

SO PRAISE HIM FOR HIS LIFE! THE WAY HE PERSERVERED IN STRIFE. THE HUMBLE SON OF GOD BECOMING THE PERFECT SACRIFICE.

PRAISE HIM FOR HIS DEATH! THAT HE WILLINGLY STOOD IN OUR PLACE THAT HE LOVINGLY ENDURED THE GRAVE THAT HE BATTLED OUR ENEMY, AND ON THE THIRD DAY ROSE IN VICTORY.

HE IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS PROMISED.

PRAISE HIM AS THE RISEN KING.

LIFT YOUR VOICE AND SING, FOR ONE DAY HE WILL RETURN FOR US, AND WE WILL FINALLY BE UNITED WITH OUR SAVIOR FOR ETERNITY! ETERNITY!

SO IT IS NOT JUST WORDS THAT I PROCLAIM, FOR MY WORDS POINT TO THE WORD, AND THE WORD HAS A NAME, HOPE HAS A NAME, JOY HAS A NAME, PEACE HAS A NAME, LOVE HAS A NAME, AND THAT NAME IS JESUS CHRIST!

PRAISE HIS NAME FOREVER!!!!!!!!”

-Jesus is forever by Isaac Wimberley

This encounter with the Lord where I am in awe of Him. When words are not enough and tears won’t satisfy. When your heart is pumping so many emotions.

You’re just there. Remembering every single thing that the Lord have had done to you.

You’re just there wanting to say “thank you Lord” but you know that thank you is irrelevant because you wanted to say more than that.

My heart is so grateful.

There may be problems. sometimes I feel so sad. so down and so helpless

But the Greatness of God is enough that everything around me becomes shadow and what my eyes see only Jesus.

His goodness.

His Kindness.

His favor.

His Love.

And everything in Him.

Condemned?YES. 

I know how you feel. It may not be as exactly as the intensity of what you are feeling right now. But believe me when I say..

I know how you feel. 

I know how hard it is to avoid the things that’s pushing you to sin again. I have been there. I know how much you wanted to avoid it, but your flesh and lust is greater than your desire to overcome. I know how foolish you became and say that you will just ask forgiveness after.

This particular sin is eating you not little by little but as much as it can eat you at a time. I know how many times you cried and asked for help. And how depressing it is to feel paralysed and just allow sin to consume you. All of you. I know that you feel condemned right now. How unworthy you are to be called a Queen.

Trust me I know. 

There are so many questions in your head. And for each answers it wont satisfy you. 

I have been there. Many times. You cannot imagine how many times I sinned and allowed temptations to happen. How many times I allow the enemy to kill, still and destroy me. ALL OF ME

“I am a loser” “hanggang dito nalang ako” ” wala na akong patutunguhan pa”

these are the thoughts I have in my head. And each thoughts leave wounds in my heart. and this questions can be yours too.

But let me remind you something.

You are the righteousness of God. 

You are His daughter. You are Loved. You mean the whole world to Him that He even gave his only Son so He can call you His own, His Child.

A year in your life will not be enough to discuss all your sins but Your lifetime is never enough to count the grace that GOD have for you. 

10,000 times a day God is looking at you. And yes He saw you sinning. But He is looking at you with so much love.

As if you never sin. As if your perfect. 

God is not looking on who you are today. But who you will be in the future.

For you will be His Queen.

You will be willing to die just to give Him Glory.

You will do great things for Him.

You will be a woman of Faith.

A Giant Slayer. You are strong. Mindful and full of happiness.

For the old has gone. The new has come. 

What happened today won’t matter in the future. For what matters tomorrow is who you choose to become for His Glory.

Wipe those tears in your face. your mascara makes your eyebags darker.

Take a deep breath. Fight again. Smile. 🙂

Make a decision that you will not allow satan to take a hold on you. 

And last.

PRAY.

Heavenly Father. My King. My Savior

The heavens and all the earth are yours. Right now my prayer is that whoever reading this post. A Queen in a making who may be feeling down, upset or condemned. I pray that you comfort them. I pray that you remind them how much you love and care for their souls. That you have forgiven them 2000 years ago. Lord, I ask that you remind them that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. that you already made us Your Righteousness. Forgive our sins. Forgive us if we allow the enemy to tempt us to do what for sure breaks your heart. 

Thank you. For your grace that is never-ending. We promise that we will stand for you. That we will live to make you smile. We love you Jesus. 

Amen.


THIS IS WHAT I WANTED

What Do I want? 

I’ve been staring at my laptop for 15 minutes. trying to put to words everything that has been inside my head. WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? It is a hard question that took me years before I can finally answer.

Am I sure with my decision?

Am I ready to face the challenges attached to it?

Am I okay to be sad? to feel alone? 

Answering one question brings more questions that is even harder to answer. Questions that makes me afraid, that stops me and wants me to just do not make decision anymore and go back to what used to be. to not to feel the pressure of making a decision.

because once decided. THERE IS NO TURNING BACK

BUT I KNOW I CAN’T

I cannot go back to the years of doubt. I cannot step back to those times that I am full of fear and delusions of the secrets to be unveil. I don’t wanna go back to the nights full of crying, full of condemnation, of faking me being okay with everything.

of being empty.

This is the make or break. the turning point. the now or never

I asked my self again “What do you want Axelle?”

As I close my eyes, tears starts to build up and fall. what do I really want? What does this fragile heart begs to have?

and I know the answer. from the very start I knew the answer. it has been banging in my mind, whispering in my ear and knocking at my heart. I knew what I really want. and that is to be happy. true happiness not because of a comedy film, or a funny situation,

a happiness even in pain, even in chaos or in a storm.

true happiness that pushes me to move forward, drags me to dream big, aim high and fly. A happiness that will be my driving force to live, to truly live and not just to exist.

I knew from the very start. that true happiness can only be found in Christ. and I was so wrong to look for it on earthly things. I was very wrong to chase things that I know not meant for now, not today. I knew what I wanted. Happiness in Christ.

I WANTED CHRIST. above all my heart’s desire is Him. to Glorify Him. To make Jesus smile. I wanted to be where Christ is, be it in the midst of a furnance of blazing fire, or above the wild waves of the ocean. I.DON’T.CARE.

Because I knew that wherever Christ is, there is TRUE happiness.

that Yes I am sure of my decision to follow Him. not to just follow but to read and pray and meditate His words.

that yes I am ready to face challenges attached to it because I know that following Christ means not conforming to the pattern of this world.

And YES. It is definitely okay for me to be sad, or to be alone because I know that I should prioritize him above all, and that as I build a strong foundation of faith and relationship with Him, I should keep my heart focused on Christ alone and not with any other guy.

I know what I wanted. from the very start I knew but coward to take the risk for Him.

HOW ABOUT YOU? 

WHAT DO YOU WANT?