inspiration

Hey it’s June!

Half of the year pass, 151 days are gone, you have used your 3,624 hours. We just welcomed 2017 and now we are down to the month of JUNE.

How was your year so far? Were you able to cross out at least one from your bucket list for this year? How about that new year resolution you promised yourself to never do ever again?

June is a the month to look back from the last five months and reflect on what and where we spent our time in to.

Is it worthwhile? did you spent your time in doing good or complaining? Do you worry a lot last month?

These are some of the questions I asked myself as I welcome June 2017. It makes me smile. because I saw progress.

Well yes, the changes I want in my life for this year will not happen drastically but slowly and surely.

I am happy for what is happening in my life this year. 2017 is the year of making firm decisions for me. I have been saying NO to most of the things that I know will bring future problems and I have become careful in saying YES.

I choose to open up my world. From the girl who’s always in her room, to that girl who would love to listen to your stories while drinking coffee in a coffee shop. I now reply to text messages that I seldom do last year. I still get named as “seener” but now I try to reply to everyone. Sorry people I still fail on this part.

This year I was able to publish this blog, it is the most exciting part of my 2017. Thanks to a friend who encouraged me to share this to everyone. I always tell myself na “saka ko na to ipapublish, nahihiya ako eh baka kase ijudge lang”. I remember how he pushed me to let other people know this site. His words opened my mind to do it now.

I have hesitations in my head. But I praise the Lord for his life who happens to message his friends and some youths to recommend my blog and read it (wow grabe effort 🙂 thanks to you!). This blog is the only thing that makes me KILIG this year. Hearing and reading some of your messages about how God spoke to you through this, makes my heart jump for joy.

I cried as well. I feel fulfilled and that finally my heart’s desire is now on work. Your messages inspires me to continue this even I have setbacks before.

There was this one time I am sitting at the back of the church with some KKBs. A guy kkb asked me:

ate ano nga ung blog mo?

I was about to answer it and the other kkb who was sitting with us answered the question for me.

theestherinsideofus.wordpress.com

I looked at her and laugh because she perfectly knows the domain. She knows the domain better than I am for sometimes I’m confused if its theestherinsideus or theestherinsideofus.

I am so blessed that there are young ladies who visits this site. You have a choice to go somewhere else on the web but you took time to be here and read my heart out! Thank you Queens!  My prayer is still the same. I pray that it will speak to you. that it will penetrate your heart and you will find your convictions clear as you read here.

let me give God what belongs to Him.

ALL GLORY AND PRAISES AND HONOR AND ADORATION BE UNTO GOD!

This year many opportunities are knocking at my door. My heart is overwhelmed with joy. It is indeed true that when you let go the thing you keep holding in your hands, that’s the time God will take control in your life. I remember last year how I struggle to let go,

Everything is in the mind. we think its hard to give it up but we are wrong. We wrestle but to be honest it’s really easy. Masasabi natin sa sarili natin “dapat matagal ko na pala tong binitawan”

I got opportunity to write. I am excited for this specific project. I got a message that asked me if I want to write. I said yes right away. Why not? I’m gonna share my thoughts and convictions to a wider audience, plus I will learn new things. But also I have second thoughts. I doubt again.

But my desire to glorify God through blogging is far greater than the fears and doubts in me.

I told myself last year that my goal for this year is simple. To live peacefully and be faithful.

I can say now that I am living peaceful. Yes sometimes I still struggle to maintain that peacefulness because I have battles in my head. I over think things. and I don’t think I become faithful last five months. With my tithes, with my ministry, with my studies. I don’t feel I have become consistent on this area.

 And that it’s definitely okay. We do not wake up the next day perfect.

I am working on it. God is working on it. The year is not yet over.

So to you, Queens in the making.

How are you today?

How was your year so far? Are you struggling?

A painful even happened this 2017? 

How is your heart?

This is the perfect time for you to think, to pray and be thankful. You can even ask for forgiveness if you feel your failing.

But please do not be hard on yourself, Please be gentle and know that life always have its ups and downs. That pain is part of growing. And that its okay if you feel like your goals are far from reach. Remember it will never happen overnight.

Be thankful for your life. That you are still alive and still have 6 more months to make this year extra ordinary for the Lord.

If there are things you know you have to let go. Let it go! Sing that song from frozen. Do not let it hold you and stops you from becoming the Lady God has pictured you to be. Don’t delay it anymore. Don’t cause too much pain in your self.

I hope you find yourself in a place where God wants you to walk. I am praying for you always!

Let us be positive for this month of JUNE and to the months to come!

CHEERS TO EVERY ESTHER INSIDE US!

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED

What Do I want? 

I’ve been staring at my laptop for 15 minutes. trying to put to words everything that has been inside my head. WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? It is a hard question that took me years before I can finally answer.

Am I sure with my decision?

Am I ready to face the challenges attached to it?

Am I okay to be sad? to feel alone? 

Answering one question brings more questions that is even harder to answer. Questions that makes me afraid, that stops me and wants me to just do not make decision anymore and go back to what used to be. to not to feel the pressure of making a decision.

because once decided. THERE IS NO TURNING BACK

BUT I KNOW I CAN’T

I cannot go back to the years of doubt. I cannot step back to those times that I am full of fear and delusions of the secrets to be unveil. I don’t wanna go back to the nights full of crying, full of condemnation, of faking me being okay with everything.

of being empty.

This is the make or break. the turning point. the now or never

I asked my self again “What do you want Axelle?”

As I close my eyes, tears starts to build up and fall. what do I really want? What does this fragile heart begs to have?

and I know the answer. from the very start I knew the answer. it has been banging in my mind, whispering in my ear and knocking at my heart. I knew what I really want. and that is to be happy. true happiness not because of a comedy film, or a funny situation,

a happiness even in pain, even in chaos or in a storm.

true happiness that pushes me to move forward, drags me to dream big, aim high and fly. A happiness that will be my driving force to live, to truly live and not just to exist.

I knew from the very start. that true happiness can only be found in Christ. and I was so wrong to look for it on earthly things. I was very wrong to chase things that I know not meant for now, not today. I knew what I wanted. Happiness in Christ.

I WANTED CHRIST. above all my heart’s desire is Him. to Glorify Him. To make Jesus smile. I wanted to be where Christ is, be it in the midst of a furnance of blazing fire, or above the wild waves of the ocean. I.DON’T.CARE.

Because I knew that wherever Christ is, there is TRUE happiness.

that Yes I am sure of my decision to follow Him. not to just follow but to read and pray and meditate His words.

that yes I am ready to face challenges attached to it because I know that following Christ means not conforming to the pattern of this world.

And YES. It is definitely okay for me to be sad, or to be alone because I know that I should prioritize him above all, and that as I build a strong foundation of faith and relationship with Him, I should keep my heart focused on Christ alone and not with any other guy.

I know what I wanted. from the very start I knew but coward to take the risk for Him.

HOW ABOUT YOU? 

WHAT DO YOU WANT?